February 11, 2019
How I Went From Pin-Up Girl to Geriatric Poster Child in Less Than 48 Hours
Posted by: Nancy Skee
"Whaaaat?" you're saying. "You were a Pin-Up Calendar Girl?!"
Well, okay no, but after I tell you this story you'll understand that the extreme comparison serves to illustrate how quickly people can change their perceptions of you.
So, remember that blog from last week where I was attacked by the Velociraptor and could have died on the laundry room floor? Go back and read it if you didn't, because this is about what happened after. But in short here's the synopsis: Fell off a chair installing a light fixture, it was a bloody mess, 13 stitches, blah, blah, blah.
Apparently my kids read my posts because the next morning I got a text from one of my children.
- I'm buying you an Apple watch so next time you fall you can make calls from your wrist. The watch can also detect falls and irregular heartbeats.
I had three simultaneous thoughts:
- Oooohhh! I just love him!
- This is too hilarious! One slip off a chair and now I'm feeble hahahahaha!
- Dang. I'm gettin' old.
Now here's the thing. Sure I fell off a chair while I was stepping onto a table while holding a florescent light fixture, but that's something I would have done 30 years ago. That's the action of someone who's hale and hardy.
But maybe the kids think my brain synapses are slow because a woman in my age bracket would know by now that tables and chairs could tip over. Or that you should use a ladder instead.... Or maybe they think I'm unsteady and can't maintain my balance....Yeah.....They probably gathered to figure out What To Do With Mom. I can just imagine that conversation. (I'm changing their names to protect their privacy.)
Nikki: Grant, did you read your mom's blog? She fell and had to go to the ER. Annie's coming over so we can talk.
Grant: I'll read it right now. (Read, read, read, read, read.) Ow! That had to hurt!
Annie: Hi, I'm here! Grant, mom fell off a chair and had to get stitches. I think she's getting old and feeble.
Grant: Yeah, I just read that. I think she's losing her balance, too. Hmmm. What should we do with mom?
Annie: Maybe you could put a Granny Pod in your backyard, and she could live at your house.
Grant: Maybe you could put a Granny Pod in your backyard, and she could live at your house.
Grandson: Mommy, if Nana livth in our backyard can we play truckth with her?
Granddaughter: Mom, if Nana gets a Granny Pod, I get one, too. It'll be like my own private apartment! I can have my own private space for once! We'll be next door neighbors!
Grandson: If Thithy geth one, I get one! I want to be neighborth, too!
Other Grandson: Me, doooo!
Third Grandson: Dah!
Nicki: Stop! If anyone's getting a Granny Pod, I am. I'll stay in the backyard and you kids can stay in the house with your dad.
Grandson: And we'll play truckth?
Annie: Wait! There must be a simpler solution for old people who keep tipping over.
Grant: I know! The Apple watch - she can call 911 from the floor any time she goes down.
All of them: Hurray!
See what I mean?! Do you understand the extreme comparison now between girl and granny?
One day you're standing on a table painting their walls or hanging curtains in their first apartments, and everyone thinks you're marvelous. The next day you're standing on a table hanging a light fixture and you fall and go to the ER, and they're putting your name on the wait list at Brethren Village. And while I'm no longer 17 wearing a Midshipman's hat, I'm not ready to have my grilled cheese put in a blender either.
Ah, well, Simba. That's just the Circle of Life. I'm very lucky to have my good kids looking out for me. Just don't tell them that yesterday afternoon I was painting the ceiling in the Charleston Room - one handed! At least I used a ladder.